Three weeks ago was the two year anniversary of my father's funeral. The reminder came unexpectedly through a "random" movie I watched that day.
Joni Mitchell. Topanga Canyon. Guitarist. Travel.
I did not attend my father's funeral. Instead, I was in Topanga Canyon, California with a guy I was dating who was a genius guitarist. During dinner, a black dragonfly landed in his drink. He understood the significance. At that momement, the fog cleared and I felt a tremendous release. A profound clarity emerged in my being with solid ground beneath my feet.
Two years ago, I lived in LA County. A time when I felt suspended in space while I awaited my father's imminent death. One of my missions was to support his transition from form back into formlessness. Witnessing his death was not necessarily part of the task. Yet, I had no idea what it would look like, especially since I was no longer in the Philippines.
I didn't know until I knew. When I did, it felt timeless. An omnipresent gift of being fully human and fully divine.
I shared my eulogy with one of my colleagues in Family Systemic Constellations and also with our teacher. My teacher's response:
This is so beautiful . . . my mind went to my own father. It made me want to travel back in time to sit with him again, one last time, for the first time. I think I will.
Perhaps, you too lost your father and wish to visit with him again. If you do, I hope there is sweetness all around.
The intricate web of life is wild if you pay attention. We are divinely interconnected.
My colleague who facilitated a constellation for me shares the same names with my family members. Her first name is the same as my mother's and her last name is my brother's middle name. Here's her reply:
I am so touched that you would share this with me. Your eulogy is just beautiful. I can imagine you delivering it as I read it. It feels like a gift to all of those present — a gift of deep ancestral wisdom.
Though I bought a gorgeous white dress for the occasion, one of my cousins read my eulogy since I didn't travel for the funeral. A decision I made after I heard surprisingly sound motherly advice from my own mom. Stand your ground and prioritize yourself. She was a mixture of fierce tiger mom coupled with a modicum of compassion.
I released a long-held tension of superiority against her and an opening of hearts ensued. There was a heartfelt understanding of mother and I received a flow of love from my mother towards me, as her daughter. It was one of the many gifts I gained from father, only possible when he became an ancestor.
Listen to the Eulogy for Father here:
May we continue to open our sacred hearts and receive the flow of love.
Much love,
C xx
TA HI WA